Orc Suffrage At Last! World Of Warcraft-Loving Candidate Wins

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It’s true that the United States Senate now has an unprecedented number of women and its first lesbian member, but what about the silent plight of America’s other minority: citizens who violently ravage video game villages as fantasy creatures of death and destruction?

Well, yesterday was also a victory for video-game lovers everywhere. Maine Democratic state senatorial candidate, Colleen Lachowicz, who doubles as the fictional Orc, “Santiaga,” in the popular online video game World of Warcraft, won her race and overcame attack ads alleging that her video game hobby was inappropriate. “My heartfelt congratulations, Santiaga. I hope (and I really believe) that you will perform as good in your new office as you have in your duties as a Rogue of the Horde,” wrote one relieved supporter.

Lachowicz, a 48-year-old healthcare worker, became a news sensation when conservative attack-dogs outed her video hobby and exploited it as an excuse to attack her character. “So I’m a level 68 orc rogue girl. That means I stab things…a lot…Who would have thought that a peace-lovin social worker and democrat would enjoy that?!”, she wrote back in 2009. The attackers set up a website to twist her past messages to claim she lived a “bizarre double life.” “Maine needs a State Senator that lives in the real world, not in Colleen’s fantasy world,” states the site.

Well, voters weren’t as video-gamist as her challengers would have hoped, and they elected her into office.

Now, if I’m ever lucky enough to have game-addicted children of my own and they ask me, “Dad, will unscrupulous campaign attack dogs ever exploit my hobbies to derail my minor political aspirations?” While staring nostalgically into the horizon, I can say triumphantly, “Not any more; not any more.”