Which One Of These Do I Have To Spill Water On To Make People Irrationally Start Buying $FB?

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Those eighteen words got a founder and I kicked off of the trading floor of the NYSE earlier this evening. Because, as we shuffled out of the Girls Who Code event held there earlier tonight, we looked at the jumble of computers and stock tickers on the first floor of 18 Bond Street and exclaimed in awe, “So this is where it all goes down, huh?”

And of course, because we’re tech people and troublemakers we’re like, “So how does it work?” specifically joking, in light of all the recent tech stock collapses, “Which one of these do I have to spill water on (okay, we may have said wine) to make people irrationally buy Facebook?”

The founder and I (who made me promise not to write about him/her because he/she said his/her parents PR people would kill him/her and I don’t want to be an accomplice to murder) took solace in this laughter, and the idea that the rise in price of $FB shares would most likely bolster the entire tech industry.

And all was bright and shiny until an NYSE security guard pulled the founder aside from our revelry. “Excuse me sir/mam, did you just ask which computer you’d have to spill water (okay, it was most likely wine) on to make people buy Facebook stock?” Oh God.

“We were joking,” I replied, which, like how you can’t say bomb in any context on a plane, apparently isn’t acceptable in the NYSE. Because we got kicked out. “Get OUT” the guard said, and we scurried out, because he really did mean it. One man’s facetiousness is another man’s terrorist threat. And yes, I have the utmost respect for this guard. Because this exactly was his job.

So we got OUT, like ran out, before the man could take further action, and I hope we’re not banned for life because I have to be at an another event at the NYSE on Thursday. Also, Girls Who Code is awesome, and you should all download 16-year-old Nikita Rau’s app Wander. And not joke about destroying important things, ever. Pro tip.

Update: Facebook actually trades on the NASDAQ not the NYSE, so our joke/threat wasn’t even accurate. The more you know …