MySecretLuxury Is A Concierge Service For Romance, Love, Potentially Sex

Next Story

Amid Lawsuits From Publishers, Boundless Launches A Free, Open Alternative To Textbooks

Hey, how you doing? You’re really pretty in that dress and those shoes. Are those shoes new? No? Could have fooled me. Sit down a minute. I just want to look at you. Did you see that fight outside? Totally two guys hitting each other over some girl. Would you ever let guys fight over you? I would.

Do you know I paint? You should sit for me.

So there’s this new thing, MySecretLuxury.com. It’s totally legit. It was founded by Stacy Rybchin, a really foxy lady who is part of an e-commerce incubator. Smart is sexy. I know.

So they’ve got this site. Totally sexy. Totally angel backed. So Stacy, who I can totally introduce you to, built a subscription and concierge service for your lady parts. Totally sexy. The concierge service is totally cool. You set up these totally sexy experiences for each other. Like this one:

So you read the book… but you really want to live the full fantasy. Our concierge can help. My Secret Concierge can work with you to recreate one of Anastasia and Christian’s special moments. From the helicopter adventure to the yacht vacation to a drive in an Audi R8… we will put you in Anastasia and Christian’s shoes.

I know, right? You like books, right? I do, too. Totally read like a Mötley Crüe biography a few years ago. Totally read that book about Jenna Jameson. Anyway, that 50 shades thing is a book.

You also can sign up for special subscriptions that range from $500 to $5,000. That gets you toys like once a month. Totally sexy. Why sex toys? Why now?

Stacy totally told me about that in an email. “In the past three years (during a worldwide economic slump), sales of sex toys have reached an all-time high with manufacturers of ben-wah balls reporting a 300% increase in sales and manufactures and distributors of bondage tools reporting a 40% spike in sales,” she said. Recession is sexy. I know, right?

“These compelling numbers and proprietary research conducted by Denslow along with the obvious gap in the marketplace for luxury goods and a guide to help navigate the pleasure product market began the journey to develop MySecretLuxury.com, a site where people could expect high quality, sophisticated design and upscale products delivered with impeccable customer service.” So sexy. Totally.

You’ve got lots of sex toy operators out there, but do you know any as classy as this one? I know, right? Totally. Maybe JimmyJane but do they sell a $15,000 gold-plated dildo? No. They don’t.

Totally sexy, right? So can we get out of here? I can totally set you up with a 50 Shades box if you want. Really? Where, over there? Oh, cool. Totally. Can I have your number?

Yeah, totally understandable. I lost my phone, too. Later, beautiful. Later.