To: john@beta.techcrunch.com
From: AOL HR
CC: AOL IT/Networking, AOL Legal, eldon@beta.techcrunch.com, alexia@beta.techcrunch.com
Subject: ACTIONABLE OFFENSE: Pornography/Adult Content Viewing On Company Property
Mr. Biggs,
Our network administrators in AOL’s Broadway office have consistently flagged you on your assigned computer for repeatedly and openly viewing a pornographic website, sex.com, that currently bills itself as a Pinterest for sex.
Furthermore, you were viewing the said content in a conference room on the fourth floor in clear view of passersby including a group of Tibetan monks brought in by the Huffington Post to clear the fourth floor video studio of evil Gyalpo spirits.
This is not the first time you have been seen visiting sex.com and your claim that it was entirely for research does not explain why you’ve used it every hour, nearly on the hour, for the past three days. Your statement “sex.com is the most expensive URL in the world and this is an important pivot for them,” is no longer acceptable. Also, pointing to this post by former writer Robin Wauters is also insufficient explanation.
We ask that you clear out any personal belongings and leave your company-issued laptop at the fifth floor help desk and leave the premises immediately. We will also be sending you a bill for any damage to the rug near your desk.
Sincrely,
Lydia Parton
AOL HR