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Monster Wins CES With Feathers And Spikes

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Forget Apple. Forget salespeople. Monster just won CES. The company’s just-announced Inspiration line of headphones combines the fashion of weirdoes with the technology of Monster. Perfection!

The company failed to announce anything about the headphones. Monster didn’t state the price, availability or even the retail channels. They simply paraded models up and down wearing headphones adorned with features, lace, and other random fashionista items. These so-called Inspiration models are perhaps the first people in the history of the human race to wear fashion-first headphones.

But fear not! These headphones are within reach of most people. Simply take any ol’ headphones — they probably sound as good as these anyway — and steal your wife’s hot glue gun. Proceed to glue random household objects onto the headphones with utter disregard. Used featherduster? Perfect! A swatch of your dog’s hair? Of course! A used bandaid? I would think that’s fine, too.

We are the cusp of a new era, friends. Soon we’ll all wear headphones like these. I can’t wait.