College Tips By Google: You’ll Fail Without These 16 Google Products

Without Google, no one ever graduated college. At least that’s the message of “College Tips By Google“. It’s a new site where Google shamelessly suggests its products as the answer to all the problems facing today’s students.

Follow these tips, and you’ll become a healthy, productive cog in Google’s advertising machine.

Yes, you could follow the official tips and collaborate on a resume through Docs or practice a presentation on Hangouts. But let’s face it. The people who built these products probably didn’t have a typical college experience.

Here’s a list of the 16 products Google suggests and how I think they’re actually used by college students:

• Google Maps – Drunkenly find your way back to/from the frat house
• Google Docs – Get your classmates to do all the work for you, edit your name in at the end
• Google Hangouts – Have video chat sex with your girlfriend who’s studying abroad
• Gmail – Sign up for 46 clubs, read newsletters, never attend meetings
• Google Places – Find the nearest place to buy red cups and ping pong balls
• Google Calendar – Ignore your alerts until you have 3 hours to write that 20 page paper
• Google Chrome – Roommate away for the weekend? New Incognito Window
• Google Scholar – Cite books you never read, or don’t, plagiarizing is easier
• Google Sites – Set up a protest site to stick it to the fascist school administration for banning kegs from the library
• Google Tasks – Feel guilty about all the reading you never do
• Google Advisor – Find the best 3rd credit card so you don’t run out of beer money
• Google Groups - Contribute nothing to the study group but read everyone else’s summaries
• Google Goggles – Scan your art history exam and get those obscure artist names
• Google Product Search – Buy your text books a week before finals
• Google Flight Search – Springbreak!!!
• Google+ – (no use)

Crunchbase

• GOOGLE

Company: Google

Website: google.com

Launch Date: September 7, 1998

IPO: NASDAQ:GOOG

Google provides search and advertising services, which together aim to organize and monetize the world’s information. In addition to its dominant search engine, it offers a plethora of online tools and platforms including: Gmail, Maps, YouTube, and Google+, the company’s extension into the social space. Most of its Web-based products are free, funded by Google’s highly integrated online advertising platforms AdWords and AdSense. Google promotes the idea that advertising should be highly targeted and relevant to users thus providing...

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