Power Balance Peddles New Sports Junk After Filing For Bankruptcy

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They say that fools and their money are soon parted, and no one knows that better than the sports junk hucksters at Power Balance. Despite filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in federal court on Friday, the company has high hopes for their new product, something called Performance Mouth Gear.

Let’s clear up one thing first: it’s a mouth guard. That’s it. Of course, the marketing wizards at Power Balance aren’t content to leave it at that; oh no, it’s supposedly much more. According to the company, Performance Mouth Gear incorporates “innovative technology to properly align the jaw and the spine through optimal positioning of the bite.” They even go as far as citing a a handful reputable journal articles to make their case.

Sounds great, no? They’re fighting for all the credibility they can get, considering they have a history of just making things up. Case in point: their Power Balance bracelets claimed to endow users with “up to a 500% increase in strength, power and flexibility.” The bracelet’s key ingredient? A holographic sticker.

Australia’s Competition and Consumer Commission called them out on the obvious BS, and among other things, made publicly retract their claims. Here’s a gem from one of their corrective ads:

We admit that there is no credible scientific evidence that supports our claims and therefore we engaged in misleading conduct in breach of s52 of the Trade Practices Act 1974.

So, they lied. I’m sure that’s going to inspire tons of people to buy their new mouth guards! Credit where credit is due though, this new pitch is just a hair more believable than saying their holographic bracelets can affect the user’s “natural energy.” They’re learning!

It’s always a shame when a company falls on hard times, but I can’t help but look at this situation with a little bit of schadenfreude. Power Balance is swimming in both debt and bad feelings, but it’s their own fault, and I’m looking forward to seeing how their new plan pans out.