If You Loved Your Child, You'd Buy Them This $300 High Chair. But You Don't.

Next Story

Microsoft Has Sold 55 Million Xbox 360s Worldwide

If you truly loved your child… nay, merely even considered them worth holding on to… I’d recommend this $300 Baby Bjorn high chair designed from the ground up to revolutionize the market for food into infant-mouth insertion activities. However, this thing is $300, which most parents would find too pricey. But isn’t baby worth that much? What has baby ever done to you that you can’t spend three bills on a small table with legs?

Nothing, that’s what.

As a parent, I’m fascinated by baby product marketing. It’s such a complete, closed culture based around fun, fear, and feeding and the suggestion that if you, as new parents, don’t buy X, Y, and Z-brand baby wipes warmers your child will come out wrong. The best part is that BabyBjorn followed this product from design to final unveiling with the intensity of a The Tree of Life. Greg at DaddyTypes points out that this video is part of a trilogy flogging this high-concept chair including an origin story:

As well as a kid jep thriller:

In the end, however, the story is basically “If you don’t buy this high chair, your child will never eat anything and you are a bad parent.” So get cracking, purveyors of love. Your kids need you.