ACOUZTIC by XCEON IZ FLSHLGHT WIZ MP3 PLYR, CZTZS $139

John Biggs

Biggs is the East Coast Editor of TechCrunch. Biggs has written for the New York Times, InSync, USA Weekend, Popular Mechanics, Popular Science, Money and a number of other outlets on technology and wristwatches. He is the former editor-in-chief of Gizmodo.com and lives in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. You can Tweet him here and G+ him here. Email him directly at... → Learn More

Tuesday, May 31st, 2011

It’s hard out there for a Alien Abduction Believer. You’re busy wandering near the desert with a .22 and some binocs and you keep missing your favorite talk shows while keeping our nation safe from the teeming hordes/slavering alien brood mothers at the border. What to do? Why not pay $139 for a flashlight/MP3 player combo so you can get your news fix will keeping an eye out for aliens. Seriously. Alex Jones would totally recommend this if he knew about it. I bet its even better than his patented Commando Unit Food Grower which is actually a chia pet in a dome.

Why buy just one? Buy two! Or three! Heck! Buy a gross! I’m sure they could swing a bulk discount your way. Anything to get this product into the hands of fools who deserve to have their money parted from them.

I mean seriously. WTF?

Product Page