Friends, we are going to get to the bottom of this Four Loko mess the only way we know how: through journalism! Tomorrow at 10am Eastern/7am Pacific I will drink a full can of Four Loko and report on the results live and in living color. Why am I doing this? Because I support the sale of horrible malt liquor beverages? Because I believe that every producer of sickly green liquids deserves an even break? Absolutely not. I personally consider Four Loko an affront to the long tradition of the delicious tipple but I find the media scare around the drink to be unpalatable and ridiculous and this gives me an excuse to drink a can of 12% booze at 10am on a Friday. It's something I can tell my grandkids… if I survive.
I'd like you, dear reader, to choose the color I'm drinking tomorrow. I don't know the actual flavors – it's something like orange-berry and the other, green one, is like florida-mango or something. I'll be streaming the experience live via webcam and liveblogging the results. Hopefully, after this momentous media event we can put this long, dark period of national sorrow behind us.
Note: I will be drinking the pre-ban caffeine-rich product in hopes that my heart explodes.
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