NSFW Guide to Watching Porn on your iPad

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If you’re one of the lucky ones who snagged an iPad, then you’re probably subject to “oos” and “aahs” as much as the occasional stare and possibly a “can I try it?” All this attention is prone to seriously cramp your private surfing capabilities. With the advent of iPad optimized porn, how can you truly keep your porn habit a secret?

What to Watch
Lets kick it off with what to watch. Two of the leading companies to release iPad optimized porn are high end porn purveyors Digital Playground and Pink Visual. The companies worked furiously against the iPad launch to make porn optimized specifically for the iPad without really forcing you to change how you watch and download porn. By upgrading the software and streaming servers, the companies are able to offer video-on-demand titles that look slammin’ on your new iPad. Other more niche websites for iPad optimized porn include the BDSM site BDSMPad.com, gay site DominicFord.com, Spankmo.com, OnePadPorn.com, and NightMobile.biz.

Keep it Dry
Designed to keep your iPad completely dry and smudge free, outfit your iPad with a TrendyDigital WaterGuard waterproof case, $19.99. Described by the manufacturer to “protect against water, dust, dirt, sand and other elements,” you can be sure to keep your iPad in tip top shape while ogling the ladies or guys onscreen.

Go Hands Free
Sometimes, you might just want to prop the iPad up and go hands free. You don’t want to worry about dropping the iPad or positioning the slippery iPad on your lap. That’s why we love the Macally Viewstand, $49. Styled to look like a miniature iMac, this stand props up the iPad so you can watch your videos as you would if you were using a full sized computer. Another option is the super sturdy and luxury Joule iPad stand, $129, that has three different tilt levels for optimal viewing angle.

Keep it Quiet
Every iPad user needs a pair of noise canceling earphones. Not just so you can get the best sound quality possible while watching a movie, but also so nosy eavesdroppers won’t hear what you’re really listening to. If you’ve got the cash and really want to hear the deep bass of all those moans and groans while keeping it private from your neighbors, then Beats Tour High Resolution In-Ear, $179.95, will do the trick. If you prefer the wireless version to avoid tangled wires and take advantage of the iPad’s bluetooth, there’s the Jaybird Sportsband Bluetooth Headphones for $89.95. The Jaybirds have a contoured cup to press against your ear and make it hard for anyone else to tune into to what you’re listening to. Either way, your neighbors will just assume you’re listening to CrunchGear and Friends rather than revealing your true activities.

Make Sure It’s Private
Since everyone is so eager to see exactly how the iPad works and what you’re doing on it, it may be time to invest in an iPad privacy screen. Like a computer privacy screen, this shade prevents onlookers from seeing what you’re doing from a side angle. This is perfect for situations like looking at porn while on the train, on the treadmill at the gym, while in class, or in board meetings. And if you’re more worried about your family or girlfriend getting a hold of your iPad porn stash, you may want to download an app like Safe Eyes Mobile, $19.99. The app lets you filter exactly what your family sees by using blocks and it has the added feature of super fast screen minimization in case someone walks in on you while surfing.

We’ve given you the tools, now you can watch your iPad porn completely uninterrupted, no matter where you are. Success.

Guest columnist Lydia Leavitt writes about sex and, oddly enough, social media. For more information on the latest intimate technology, check out 69adget.com.

Photo by: bearotic.com

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