It was established at some point that Crisitano Ronaldo, the Portuguese international who gets red cards for Real Madrid, can kick a soccer ball at around 130 km/h. People keep track of this for some reason. This here robot… thing can kick a soccer ball at more than 200 km/h. Somewhere, Mr. Ronaldo is quietly sobbing to himself, on top of a huge pile of euros.

BP Castrol Japan created the machine, which doesn’t yet have a name. Also left unexplained: why a company would make such a contraption. What, for a couple of days worth of “and in other news” reports on TV? Eh, who cares. A fun story is a fun story.

The company said it will bring the machine to South Africa in order to expose it to a wider audience, one that knows who Cristiano Ronaldo is.