Let’s just start with the lede:

Inventor Le Trung spent Christmas Day with the most important woman in his life – his robot Aiko.

The science genius enjoyed a festive dinner with his mum, dad and his £30,000 fembot which he designed and built by hand.

Le, 34, from Brampton, Ontario, Canada, even bought gifts for his dream girl, who is so lifelike she speaks fluent English and Japanese, helped cook the turkey and hang up decorations.

Yep. You read that right. Either the Daily Mail is having a larf or this is the craziest thing I’ve seen in all my years as someone who has not had sex with (presumably ambulatory) robots.

Basically Mr. Trung built his own fembot and basically dotes on it. He had a heart attack because he spent so much time working on it. It knows when it’s being tickled. Sadly, we can’t tell if our leg is being pulled.

[Lou, vacuum!]