When a man in the UK was asked to be the best man at his friend’s wedding, he was touched. So touched, that he promised not to pull any pranks before or during the wedding. After the wedding though, that’s another story.
This man, who is choosing to stay anonymous, has set up this Twitter account for the sole purpose of automatically tweeting when the newlyweds are having sex. I’m not kidding. Read the entire tweet stream from the bottom up if you want the full story. But basically, this guy was watching his friend’s house while they went on their honeymoon and he placed a device under their mattress. This device, which is similar to the one found here, is a pressure-sensitive pad that tweets out when sexual activity starts, when it ends, the force of the “action,” and a “frenzy” rating.
December 9 saw the first such action. This is the first report:
They’re on the job! #1 – Action commenced at 12.21GMT. Weight: 84KG.
And then it was over — 3 minutes later:
They’re off the job! #1 – Action concluded at 12.24GMT. Duration: 3 m.15 s. Frenzy Index: 8 (scary). Judge’s Comment: “Is that it?”
But alas, that was just a test of the guy jumping on the bed to make sure it would work. It did. So the real first action is as follows:
They’re on the job! #2 – Action commenced at 15.50GMT. Weight: 151KG.
22 minutes later:
They’re off the job! #2 – Action concluded at 16.12GMT. Duration: 22 m.05 s. Frenzy Index: 4 (easy listening). Judge’s Comment: “Good work!”
Before everyone goes crazy over this, remember that all of this is being done anonymously. Neither the friend nor the couple are known. In fact, who knows if this is even real, and who cares, it’s hilarious. Still, the man claims he will let his friend in on the fun soon. “What you will NEVER know is who they are. Or who I am.I figure I’ll tell my mate in due course that he’s had an audience.So spread the word!,” writes the anonymous man. Consider it spread.
So why’s he doing this? “BTW – he stitched me up something rotten when he was my best man so I reckon this is reasonable payback 
,” he tweets.
Oh Twitter, the joys never end. What will they think of next?
[photo: twitter/pnoeric]
Retweeting is the new cuddling
a slow news day. this has nothing to do with startups or technology. but zomg the word twitter is in the article so that makes it noteworthy according to mg
you’re forgetting that techcrunch is a sex blog.
where is the like button?
http://www.newlywedsonthejob.com/
Wow, this is one of the ‘dumbest’ yet hilarious ways
you can use twitter. One thing we can say though is
keep it real! http://bit.ly/twitter-for-sex-dumb
wow perhaps we will be facing sex-tweets in the future?
My favorite sex blog
Haha, nice comeback, MG.
I know this weirdo guy is building his Twitter followers in a creative way. That much for sure. Wow TC is a sex blog? All hail Mike & the clan, world’s number one porno team
What a comeback!!
+1
Use of the word “mate” denotes Australian [well colloquially anyway]
Narrows down to 20 million people or so
Pommies use “Mate” just as much as Oz men.
Cheers Mate!!
In the long standing tradition of me commenting on your TC comments: Zomg, then what’s @ replying?
@seanpercival
Pass the cigarette.
That’s so… Twexy!
Holy catnip..>! wow..left me stoned. If you were the couple and you found out..what will you do?
Twitter login is down. Can’t follow
They should put this in every room in The Standard New York.
agree.
No need. Just stroll along the southern end of the High Line in the evening. Far more graphic than any tweet. (well, most any tweet…)
What the…
I. Love. This.
**HOAX ALERT**
MG just made this up. A few hours ago, someone commented on the story about the credit card activity showing up for all to see.
There was a commenter who joked that Durex will tweet when in use, and now this post coincidentally appears.
However, the twitter account has been tweeting since the 8th of Dec. Your theory doesn’t really hold water.
Try again next time.
Then I stand corrected. For some reason, I don’t follow inane things like bleating/tweating and Twitter, because I like women.
you just follow blog comments. interesting.
+1
I actually paid these people to get married, and paid some dude to the the best man, then paid for heir wedding and honeymoon. all for this post. sometimes you have to make your own news.
Or…this is your marriage and your bed?
shhhh
Cat’s outta the bag. Must say, MG, you are quite active. Keep bangin man.
Don’t forget u also paid the said commenter to comment that durex condoms tweet. Come on man get your story straight.
))
Are you actually getting paid to write these articles? I will e-mail Mike and let him know that I am willing to do this job for 3rd world child-labor wages.
no, i only get paid when you comment. just you. so thanks.
God what a load of drivel. MG’s love fest with Twitter is becoming legendary.
love fest has double meaning here, nice.
I’m slightly skeptical – the tweets are coming from the “Power Twitter” client. While it’s possible to set up the bed sensor to fake out that part of the post request, it seems like there would be no reason to do so.
Unless our best man is making a pun, in which case he is even more awesome than I originally thought.
Probably he didn’t want to go through the trouble of registering a new app identifier just for this.
You don’t have to, using the Twitter API is the easiest way and works with a regular account.
dumb tweet . dumb article . simply dumb
One more… dumb comment
+1
Why do people hate on these articles? I’m so confused, someone please inform me.
I think TC/MC/[blank]Crunch does an excellent job at providing news,details, and endless info on everything start up related, tech related, and business in general. I think its great when they brand out a little and have these fun articles. I dont see the reason to hate on them for that. Enjoy it or dont read it, its not like its something you paid for.
thanks justin. we agree.
Your Welcome, I am glad you all agree with me. My grammar in that comment is horrid, oh well, twas only a comment.
justin would make a nice little pet
i was hoping for some twit pic ….
i can’t believe this.
what a funny guy….
Oh man. Some troll “suggested” I make this after I posted the tweeting office chair. It has been on my to-do list. Although, I’m glad someone beat me to the punch. Now I can do other things with my time.
Anyhow… thanks for the link to my chair!
how naive of all you gullabalites, thinking this is a real event… can’t believe even techcrunch fell for such a hoax! or rather, i can believe it
Love these posts from MG! All the haters – if u need tech news please ignore his posts. It’s not like he’s paying you to read BS.
TC is for 18+?
hahahaha! Got to love the ADDICTION!
LOL. 2 new tweets have just been posted! Too little for newlyweds, don’t you think? Wondering if anyone can confirm this story
Another application is to rig the bed to catch a suspected cheating spouse.
Yes, if you are afraid your partner is cheating on you, you could rig one of these under your bed and have it tweet to an anonymous account only you know about.
Better yet, just make it DM you
Wow… not sure what to say? Nerd? ok.. I guess I am too for being one of the very few females on TC.
I ‘accidentaly’ googled to this sex blog and stayed for hours. I like it a lot.
http://www.techcrunch.com/2009/12/13/the-end-of-hand-crafted-content/
“But it’s far cheaper to simply take the news and rewrite it – if you can get away with it – than to hire people who do actual journalism. Over time, it becomes a competitive tax that is difficult to bear.”
The Internet of Things – voyeurism edition
what a dumb post…
MG you’re a sexually frustraded jack off.. dude… a closeted heterosexual…. do us all a favor and get laid ppppleeeeeeease… if not just go to the catro, close your eyes think it’s some chick.. so you stop writing about fake crap like this….
Best Man, not. Best douche, yes.