The Back Burner: Things we didn’t post this week

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Daily Crunch: Down at the Station Edition

nosoliters[1]

A big thank you to everybody for filling our tips-at-crunchgear-dot-com inbox with wonderful, unique, and newsworthy items. Here are a few that we missed.

BB1

Oh hey there, Cherry.

I see you’ve blocked me on Facebook yet you’re not above dropping a hint as blatant as this one. So that’s why you haven’t been returning my calls, emails, twoots, pings, AIMs, or DMs.

That was a one time thing, Cherry. And if I may say so, you weren’t much help in that department. We Can Do It? Well, you didn’t. Not even close, as you’ll recall.

Anyway, I’ll send you a check just in case.

BB3

Dear Mike,

Boy am I glad to hear from you. We have multiple loads per day that need to be shipped all over North America. We’ll need you to hand deliver each of our articles to rural areas with slow or non-existent internet access. If fewer than 50 people live in a given geographical area, you may simply thumbtack each post to the town’s centrally-located “Readin’ Tree” but otherwise we’ll need you to stop at each individual house in areas containing more than 50 residents. We’ll need these shipments to go out roughly once every 30 minutes.

Please get back to me with a quote as quickly as possible. FYI, we can’t afford to pay you in actual dollars but we can provide a link to your company on our web site as well as semi-regular payments in thumb drives and iPhone screen protectors.

BB2

God dag, Isaak!

Did Cherry put you up to this? To be honest with you, she’s been a real tough nut to crack lately. But it’s like, lady, come on! If you’re going to ignore me, ignore me! Don’t string me along like this. And definitely don’t make poor Isaak send out emails like this! God dag!

I do appreciate the poem you included, though. The part about “lovers spooning and some children gathering” might rub people the wrong way but the stuff about the Compuserve user ID and my fishingrod getting rayther is spot on. Spot god dag on.

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