Much like everyone thinks they’re the best driver in the world, everyone thinks they’re great in the sack. Maybe you’ve got the Kama Sutra down like the back of your partner’s… hand; maybe you’ve used that internet connection to amass a few external drives full of “training material”. Whatever arts you’re trained in, the question has almost undoubtedly popped into your head during the heat of the moment: “Am I
good at this the best lover in the world?”
Well, friends, to fall back on an almost-stale cliche that I promise we’ll use only a few dozen more times: there’s an app for that.
Now, we have absolutely no idea if this works as promised (though we’re working on getting someone on staff to give in and do a Hands/Feet/Various-Other-Body-Parts On with the app as soon as possible), but here’s the premise: by measuring the vibrations of your bed during the Wild Rumpus and comparing it to that of “thousands of surveyed couples”, Love Vibes gives you a 1-10 ranking.
However, this is science we’re talking about folks – it’s not as simple as just pressing the “Begin love making” button and doing the dirty. There are all sorts of variables that have to be set first to ensure absolute accuracy, such as “Mattress Firmness” and.. oh, thats it.
Admittedly, it all sounds like a bunch of non-sense to us. There’s no universal metric for charting out sexual savviness – especially not one that works by playing ear-to-the-ground with your mattress. If nothing else, we’re just impressed that the app’s developers, SparkTooth, managed to pitch this in such a way that Apple didn’t try to lop it off at the knees. Is Apple loosening up the reigns a bit, or did SparkTooth just ensure that the reviewers were ranked 10/10 everytime?
You can find Love Vibes for $1.99 in the App Store here. [iTunes Link]