• Review: LoveHoney's Sqweel

    Monday, October 12th, 2009

    Biggs is the East Cost Editor of TechCrunch. Biggs has written for the New York Times, InSync, USA Weekend, Popular Mechanics, Popular Science, Money and a number of other outlets on technology and wristwatches. He is the former editor-in-chief of Gizmodo.com and lives in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. You can Tweet him here and G+ him here. Email him directly at... → Learn More

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    OK. This is NSFW. Stop reading right now if you’re easily offended. There is no nudity, but we’re going to be talking on some fairly racy subjects but I will keep it clean. Ahem.



    So. This is the Sqweel. It is, in a nutshell, a cunnilingus simulator. It consists of a motor, a wheel of pink tongue-like appendages, and a casing. You can close it up and it make it look like a hockey puck for easy transport and you can take it apart for cleaning. It is, if you haven’t gathered, a jam for the ladies.

    It has three settings, slow, medium, and high, and my test subject found low to be the most she could take. The little tongues flick merrily away at whatever you point them to but sometimes they get caught up in the foliage, if you catch my meaning. My advice is to stay well shorn and use a bit of lubricant.

    Effectiveness? I’d give it a 7 out of 10 where this is pretty much a 10 for her and watching Cops with me is a 1.

    We were not able to reach the point of orgasm with this device, but that may be her particular physiology. It is also slightly effective on the male member and can be used, in conjunction with a complex tubing system, as a method to lick many stamps at once.

    Bottom Line
    Yeah, this thing works. I suspect that results will vary but if you need to add some spice to your self-abuse routine or want to share Uncle Lingus’ Tongues of Fury in the bedroom, go for it. You won’t be disappointed.

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