Video: Watch this clip of 2012. (Hint: It's terrible)

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Review: HP Envy 13

Pardon my French, but this is the biggest hunk of shit I have ever seen in my life. It’s a short clip from the upcoming movie 2012, which stars John Cusack (as if I know who that is!). Here’s why I hate it with every fiber of my being.

1. The contrived husband-wife relationship. “Oh honey, you’re just being silly.” The wife instantly dismisses Cusack without listening to a word he has to say. Why not have a conversation, like adults, rather than just going, “That’s just my husband acting dumb again!”

2. Cusack’s driving skills are unbelievable. Like, I cannot believe them. Unless you’re Michael Schumacher or The Stig there’s no way you’re making those turns so effortlessly as THE WORLD IS LITERALLY FALLING APART ALL AROUND YOU. So unless Cusack plays a multi-time F1 champ I have a hard time believing he’s able to drive so damn perfectly.

3. That big, stupid donut that rolls across the road. God I hate that donut. Never mind that The Simpsons used that same exact gag like 10 years ago.

4. The whole airplane scene. Bite me, Hollywood. I’d actually like to talk to an aviation expert and ask him what happens in real life when you lift an airplane before you reach the correct speed.

5. Oh, and where are they flying to? If the whole word is falling apart, where are they flying to, and on a single tank of gas no less?

I’m embarrassed to be an American right now.

As a matter of fact, I want that scenario to happen now. I’d rather see the world destroyed than live in a world where people get paid millions upon millions of dollars to create that garbage, with all due respect to actual garbage.

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