You and I both know that the only way to prevent dangerous EF radiation is by wrapping your cellphone in cling-film and aluminum foil and then battering it and frying it in cornmeal. The resulting phonedog is safe and delicious.

Sadly, the Belarussian government is instead depending on specially lined pockets in school uniforms that will keep radiation away from the kids special body parts.

Now, despite all the supposed absurdity of this approach, I wouldn’t necessarily bet on this being a failure. Chances are some bureaucrats will actually like the idea (the news was actually delivered by a Ministry of Trade official). It seems to me that this would work if every single schoolchild wears the same uniform. Otherwise, what’s the point of having this magic pocket, if your deskmate stores his gadgets in his pants pockets, exposing you to radiation anyway?

That’s still better than Tajikistan banning cellphones in schools. What if a yak gets lose in the third grade classrooms and they need to call home!