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Review: G-Force

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In what could be a first for us I’m going to talk about G-Force, the new Jerry Bruckheimer Disney movie. To be clear: this is a movie for kids. I have a kid. So I saw it.

Anyway. Where to begin: this is a movie about guinea pigs with special powers who can talk and fight against forces that will destroy our great nation. In this movie they fight against a nefarious consumer electronics maker that seems to be a cross between Philips and Sony. But there’s a twist! I won’t spoil it for you but rest assured you’ll have to explain it to your three year old in very precise terms, ensuring that you don’t slip up and say something wrong. Think Bambi.

I saw it in 3D which added quite a bit to the experience. The acting is pretty strong and you’ll be surprised that it’s really hard to tell which character Nicholas Cage plays in the movie. His voice is so well-disguised – he’s the mole – that you think he might have a sinus infection, but in a good way.

Zach Galafigckaanis is also in this movie and he’s actually bearable, a real first.

The CE plot is actually quite cute. You see, the story goes that a major home appliance manufacturer has embedded some sort of smart chip into its devices. They’re going to turn on the smart chip to enable some sort of networking. But a nefarious, evil figure is controlling the smart chips. And the smart chips turn stuff like blenders and coffee makers into evil robots. THEN they form a big evil robot at the end. I know, right? The plot, at least the part about the rodents, apparently came from the director Hoyt Yeatman’s son.

Would I recommend this movie? Well, first it’s for older kids. The aforementioned spoiler is a little rough near the end so that’s one thing to consider. The action is fairly tame but there are lots of points in the movie – especially in 3D – when things pop out. The plot is spaghetti. However, the guinea pigs were cute and they did lots of funny stuff and never really killed anyone – a big relief – so it’s not overtly violent.

It is my personal opinion that most kids movies are abysmal. Pixar makes some good stuff but Madagascar and Space Chimps made me desire the sweet release of booze. However, I could watch this movie with my son without requiring Dilaudid so I was happy.

Bottom Line
It’s summer. Your kids want to go see a movie. Take them to this and Ice Age 3. Avoid taking them to Orphan or allowing them to watch 9 1/2 Weeks on VHS like I did when I was like 14 and spending the night at my friend Richie’s house.

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