What to expect from E3 2009?

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Yes, it’s true. Peter and Devin and Greg, I think, are in Los Angeles for E3 2009. It’s an exciting time for us all, especially those of us who won’t be spending the next three (?) days fighting crowds and lines for the privilege of taking a few seconds of Shaky Cam footage of some generic first-person shooter. But enough of that, let’s stay positive—it’s E3! And this year, it’s the real E3: the Los Angeles Convention Center, Very Expensive setups, and enough models (“booth babes”) to make you say, “Really, does Video Game 3 need all those half-naked women flailing about to promote itself?” The answer, of course, is yes. Yes it does.

So, E3. If Sony doesn’t reveal the PSP Go! this week we’ll certainly be disappointed, not to mention that we’ll look foolish, having talked about it so much over the past few months. I don’t need a music store—I already have Beatport, Usenet, and What.cd, thank you—just a less expense, maybe thinner device that does away with those cumbersome UMDs. Like moving from a CD player to an iPod.

What of Microsoft? I don’t know. That new Halo? Completely uninterested; but maybe you are! The motion-sensing controller/3D camera-thing? Again, no thank you.

Nintendo? A new Zelda or Mario might be nice, yes, but, really, we all played Ocarina of Time; Zelda has already been perfected, and that was 11 years ago. (Oh, God, 11 years!)

Then there’s the whole trying-to-break-the-Donkey-Kong-record, live on G4. Someone call Billy Mitchel and let him know what’s going.

Maybe Valve will announce Half-Life 2: Episode 3? It’s funny, here I thought the whole point of Half-Life 2‘s episodes was to reduce the time between releases, and yet it’s been quite a while since Half-Life 2: Episode 2 came out. If Bethesda can pump put Fallout 3 expansion pack after expansion pack, why can’t Valve? Heck, we’re already looking to the second GTA IV expansion pack this year alone.

That is to say, I have zero expectations for E3 this year; perhaps I’ll be [pleasantly] surprised?

Oh, and who will “win” E3? Now there’s a cliché that just won’t die.

Dour-looking gentleman via Flickr

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