Let’s talk about why this isn’t a real next-generation Zune. I can think of seven reasons right off the top of my head, having used one for about a year now and knowing a little about the way things work. Can you spot all of them?

Okay, now check your answers against the list I’ve put together.

1. The Zune team is too aware of interface problems like the controls taking up a tiny portion of the bottom of the device. The thing would fall out of your hand again and again as you tried to grip the feeble sliver that makes up the Zune pad and buttons.
2. On that note, they wouldn’t do touch buttons because you grip the Zune across said buttons when you’re using the touchpad.
3. Zune moved to a non-chromed touchpad with the last generation of Zunes. Would they go back on that so quickly?
4. The art style is way off; the Zune art team likes white backgrounds, directed chaos, and a completely different palette.
5. The reflection. Zune doesn’t really do those kind of fade-out reflections. That’s something that every other hardware maker likes to do, especially Apple, whose stark presentation style lends itself to reflections.
6. This would be super-easy to Photoshop: lengthen a regular Zune, retouch the diagonal highlight (that’s the hard part), and make the buttons look like touch buttons. Boom.
7. It’s GOD damn ugly.

Seriously. If they come out with this dog? I’ll listen to an Insane Clown Posse album start to finish. Yeah, don’t think I’m joking.