Two months ago, I brazenly called Smittens – the mittens built for compulsory hand-holding – the “World’s dumbest mittens” (original post here). Now a new contender has emerged in the Smoking Mittens – an unassuming pair of mittens with a small hole for a cigarette.
The Smoking Mittens feature a metal eyelet “to perfectly fit your cigarette” and the mittens can be worn on either hand, so you’re covered whether you’re a righty or a lefty.
So here we have the reigning champ of the WDM (World’s Dumbest Mittens), the Smittens…
…versus the up-and-coming Smoking Mittens.
So which mittens are dumbest? Let’s examine a few factors:
- Smittens make you look dumb the entire time you’re wearing them, whereas the Smoking Mittens only make you look dumb to some people for five minutes at a time. Others, particularly smokers who find themselves with cold hands in the wintertime, may think you’re a genius.
- Both are pretty close in price: the Smittens cost $25 while the Smoking Mittens cost 20 British pounds (roughly $28). The Smittens are currently sold out, which is absolutely unbelievable, but they are/were available here in the US from Restoration Hardware while the Smoking Mittens appear to only be available in the UK.
- The Smittens represent your love for another person, while the Smoking Mittens represent your love for nicotine, a wonderfully uplifting chemical that happens to be packed inside little paper sticks that, unfortunately, have the potential to kill you.
And the winner is? Smittens. Smittens are still the world’s dumbest mittens.
The Smoking Mittens serve an actual purpose and look like normal mittens to the untrained eye. Sure, they probably smell much worse than your average mittens but they provide outstanding utility as it pertains to the owner’s comfort in cold weather. If you have a bias against smoking, look past it for a moment and realize the potential of the Smoking Mittens.
Also, you can use the Smoking Mittens for more than just smoking. Carpenters nailing nails in the winter? Check. Pretzel lovers out for a moonlit stroll in February? Check. You can’t even use the Smittens without another person with you at all times, unless one of you wants to walk around with the double-mitten looking like they’ve been handcuffed.