Review: Timex Expedition WS4

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What’s that? Come here, sweetie. They didn’t mean it. What did they say exactly? Come here. Stop crying. Ok. Count to ten.

Deep breath. They called you “fattie?” You’re just bigger than the other sports watches, sweetie. Look at Suunto. Or look at Casio’s Pathfinder line. You’re about the same size but you have more features!

What? The T-Touch said that? Well the T-Touch doesn’t have a huge, extremely readable digital face with plenty of at-a-glance information. I mean look at you: you can tell if it will rain just by checking your wrist. And your compass is better than the T-Touch’s.

Sweetie, sweetie, just breathe. No, I know you’re a little bit big on the wrist but you’re also very rugged and great for hiking and biking. No, you’re not so great for running just because of your size – no, baby, I’m not saying you’re fat. I’d just worry sweat would stink up your band.

Look, does the T-Touch have a countdown timer? No? Or a multi-lap stopwatch? Is the T-Touch surprisingly light for its size? No!

And you’re cheaper, in a good way. $200? That’s great. And you come in six colors including a great orange and yellow. No, sweetie, don’t cry. You’re backlit even. With Indiglo!

Listen, are the other kids cheaper? No. Do the other kids have so many features in such a cool looking package? No. Do the other kids make their wearer’s look like gladiators? No. So that’s why people will want to buy you and not those other kids. Exactly, sweetie. Calm down. No, no. We’ll make you a smoothie. Go play your Wii for a little bit.

Bottom Line: One of the coolest outdoor watches to come out of Timex in years.

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