RealTouch: Break all the rules without breaking any promises

John Biggs

Biggs is the East Coast Editor of TechCrunch. Biggs has written for the New York Times, InSync, USA Weekend, Popular Mechanics, Popular Science, Money and a number of other outlets on technology and wristwatches. He is the former editor-in-chief of Gizmodo.com and lives in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. You can Tweet him here and G+ him here. Email him directly at... → Learn More

Monday, January 12th, 2009

ladyIn the long and storied history of teledildonics, science has always tried to recreate the inside of a woman’s wee-wee and poop parts with accuracy, tact, and lubrication. Well, friends, all those years of effort have paid off with the RealTouch, a honking big device that recreates every nuance of the human anatomy, albeit in a way that makes it look like you’re violating Mr. Peanut.

How does it work? While you watch a video on your PC, the device reacts to the on-screen action. Dual rubber bands run up and down inside the case while a handy reservoir releases lube. The action corresponds with motion cues sent over U.S.B. from your computer ensuring that you staring at your computer with a log on your lap isn’t creepy at all.

I think the funniest thing is the size of this thing. Look at the video on the RealTouch website (VERY NSFW) when you have a chance. This think looks bigger than my old VW Beetle.

Best of all? This was made by a former NASA engineer. If he were still on staff, I’m sure we’d all be on Mars by now. Expect a review shortly. It costs $149 and is available now.

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