“The Man” is making us doing a little thing about some of our favorite Christmas memories involving gadgets. This is mine.
Once upon a time, when I was about 8 years old, my family was preparing to go on vacation to France. My brothers were being pains in the ass, as is their wont, and upset me to the point that I was sent to time out upstairs, alone. Great. The night before a big vacation and I’m upstairs eating old pizza. A couple of hours pass and everyone goes to bed, but then we lose power during the middle of the night. Naturally this breaks all of my family’s alarm clocks, causing us to be late to the airport. In a hurry, my family leaves without me. Now what do I do?
As I remember it, I did crazy kid stuff: using aftershave (and then getting stung!), jumping on my parents’ bed, etc. It was pretty cool for a while, till these two burglars showed up. At first I was scared, but after talking to the neighborhood Boo Radley, I got some nerve and really did a number on these guys.
I fired a BB gun at them, made the stairs all slippery, rigged a light in the basement with an iron, super-heated a doorknob so that the burglar burned himself, put nails on some of the basement steps, burned one of the guys’ head with a torch, put Christmas ornaments on the floor underneath the window and swung paint cans into their faces! Now that’s how you use gadgets!
It was the best Christmas ever.