Do you have no-good, bratty, whiney kids who think the world revolves around them and make you drive them to all the cool hangouts around town just so they can avoid having to sit by themselves in the cafeteria even though all that stuff won’t matter by the time they’re 30 and actually realize how ridiculously unimportant their lives were when they were in middle school?
Me neither, but I can’t wait to have kids. I think I’d be a pretty cool dad.
The first item I’d pick up for my car would be this thing called Dad’s Cab, which I’d attach to my dashboard. When my bratty, no-good daughter asked me to take her to a friend’s house so she can watch The Hills because I’ve blocked MTV, E!, and SOAPnet from our TV, I’d fire up Dad’s Cab and start the meter running.
Now normally, Dad’s Cab uses fare cards that say things like “Bring me a mug of tea and the paper on the weekend” or “Clean your room” or “Vacuum the living room rug”.
I’d alter my cards to say things like “Pay 1/4 of the mortgage this month since you actively use at least 1/4 of the living space in our house” or “Buy yourself any pairs of pants that cost over $30 since you seem to think paying $180 for a pair of jeans is actually going to escalate you to the next social strata” or “Figure out how you’re going to pay for Cancun since your mother and I sure as hell don’t think of that as a relaxing vacation.”
Dad’s Cab costs £9.95 and might not be available in the US, which is probably a good thing for my future children.