Review: Aussie Soles

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In our long tradition of receiving strangely inapplicable pitches that somehow just work we present the Aussie Soles. These are not Crocs, although, ummm, I’d be concerned about patent infringement – after all they’re calling their snuggly boot line SnUggs. That said, I’m wearing the Aussie Soles Marines right now and, as Peter points out, as if there weren’t enough to make fun of me for…
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Listen – I’m all for comfy shoes. I wear flip flops around the house. I’d actually wear these, too. They have antibacterial insoles and reel soles for extra support and since I’m a big sweater they might work well in the long run in stench prevention. But friends, these are clogs. They’re big and bulky and weird. I will not leave the house with these on. If you wear Crocs or these sorts of clogs outside, you deserve all the Karmic punishment dished out on you. These are shoes for men who have to clean feces off of examination tables with Clorox or make veal scallops for 500 women at a DAR meeting in Cambridge. These shoes are not for us.

But you won’t listen, will you. You’ll go wandering with the fam in this clunkers, watching your manhood seep out and down the drain at Six Flags. Hell, now that these arrived I’ll probably join you. If you see a broken man with a handsome young son and a beautiful wife wearing tan Aussie Soles, say “Hi!” I might not cry all over the front of your shirt.

The Funky Shoe is carrying these things right now for $39.97 in multiple colors. The back strap is very comfortable and I could see these replacing my camping Tevas in a pinch. As a man I cannot officially recommend these to anyone but as a person who wears shoes, feel free to try them on. You might like them, although all the above caveats apply.

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