The iPhone line: The freaks come out on day one

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Dear Diary,

It is day one of the iPhone line and our small team, the Who Farm, has made base camp at the Apple store on 5th Avenue. The natives have thus far been curious and friendly, offering us something called “hotter dogs” and asking us to go “fugourselves” when we inquired as to why they were not composting. As environmental activists, it’s important to spread our mission as widely as possible and we hope by sitting around in front of a big glass cube we’ll turn this entire encampment into a shining example of eco-friendly line-sitting.

What is our goal? Put simply, to transform the White House lawn into an organic farm. Put less simply:

* We will spend a lot of time in a great public space, around the clock.
* We will use mobile solar power from Solar1.
* We will drink NYC’s renowned tap water.
* We will have local healthy food (especially Apples) delivered by our community gardener friends, Greenmarket farmers, and locavore restauranteurs via bicycles and pedicabs.
* We will compost our foodscraps, to help sustain our fragile soil.
* And most importantly, we will talk to whoever happens to stop by about local organic farming as a critical element to sustainable healthy living, food security, youth education, and climate change mitigation.

We have many theme songs, among them:

* The Longest Time by Billy Joel,
* La Isla Bonita by Madonna,
* Livin’ on a Prayer by Jon Bon Jovi,
* Rockin’ in the Free World by Neil Young,
* Living in the Promised Land by Willie Nelson,
* Across the Universe by the Beatles and also Fiona Apple, and
* Feeling Groovy (59th Street Bridge Song) by Simon and Garfunkel.

Our theme album is:

* More Songs about Buildings and Food by The Talking Heads.

By the way, we are not just buying iPhones for ourselves. We will also purchase iPhones for Barack Obama and John McCain, because the world needs an American president to “think different!”

We’re doing it the only way we know how: by looking like douches in New York. While others would be quietly tending organic farms on Long Island in hopes of selling good produce at good prices at greenmarkets, we have decided to bring our smelly little box of compost with us (shown above) and read some books about re-greening the planet. Then we’ll go home to our Brooklyn apartments where we will obsess over Henry Miller books until we all get jobs at Lehman Brothers and blow this green crap out the window.

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