The Back Burner: Things we didn’t post this week

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A big thank you to everybody for filling our tips at crunchgear dot com inbox with wonderful, unique, and newsworthy items. Here are five that we just couldn’t get to this week.

ShowerPAL.US

Hi,
Will you be interested in selling ShowerPAL.
Please visit http://www.showerpal.us for more information.
Thank you.
Sid Rizvi

CG RESPONDS:

Sid! How are you, you old son of a seacook? We’d be interested in selling the ShowerPAL but only if it prevents things from falling (soap bars and bottles, for example) and as long as it puts an end to gooey-ness and/or mildew. If the ShowerPAL can meet those requirements, please send 1000 units to John Biggs’ house and, if possible, please stamp the CrunchGear logo and/or mascot Squid Vicious on the face of each ShowerPAL.

Keep on scrubbin’ you crazy bastard! Good to hear from you!

showerpal

New Gift Announcement

Dear Business-Partner,
We are happy to announce new items released in 2008 – MP3 Doorbell series
MS-3088/MS-3099. They are brand new and unique products to the market. Just take advantage of this great business opportunity and contact us now!
MP3 Doorbell – No more fixed doorbell sounds! Users can change it anytime and as many times as they wish! A fantastic gift for your own house or take it over to a house warming party. The flashing LED features when the doorbell rings can also help people who have hearing problems to notice the guest¡¦s arrival. Please click on web-address below to link.

http://www.mp3item.com/3088.htm http://www.mp3item.com/3099.htm

Samples are available upon request; contact us now to immediately receive our brand new samples with product information.
Please find product photos attached for your reference.
Thank You and Best Regards,

Claire Loone

Web-site: http://www.mp3item.com

098

CG RESPONDS:

Now THAT is actually not a bad idea. Think of all the great ring tones you could load up, especially around the holidays. I love that it’s shaped like a big green foot. That’s hot.

You’ll surely be a millionaire, Claire Loone. Onward! 

Urgent Order

Hello Owner
My name is Jacob larry and i will like to order some  Bubble Wrap and this is the size i need 12 inch by 175 feet  3/16 and i will like to know if you do have that size instocks and can you get me the prices . let me know if not do let me know the size you have with the prices range on them.
Get back to me Asap

CG RESPONDS:

Oh that’s all you need, Jacob Larry? Just 175 feet worth of bubble wrap ASAP? Oh no problem, Jacob Larry. Anything for you, Jacob Larry. You’re soooo polite, Jacob Larry.

Here’s a one-time special deal just for you, Jacob Larry. It’s no (zero) feet of bubble wrap and all you have to do is go fly a kite with a hole in it. How’s that sound? Pushy jerk.

RE: biometric locks

Good Afternoon:

I represent a large network of clients, some of whom are searching online for biometric locks.  My job is to find a reputable company’s qualified website to direct these people to.  Based on what my screening staff have reviewed, I’d like to speak with you today about being my networks exclusively featured company for biometric readers.

I can only work with one company and this feature is on a “first come first serve” basis. Please have the owner contact me as soon as possible if you can sustain a higher volume of sales efficiently.  If not, can you please refer me to a company who you might recommend?

Best Regards,

Tim Hunter

CG RESPONDS:

Good afternoon Mr. Hunter. First, let me be the first to congratulate you on hiring such a great screening staff. They’ve certainly outdone themselves this time. See, we here at CrunchGear.com pride ourselves on providing the highest quality biometric locks available — all at factory direct pricing — and your screening staff found our site right away!

I understand that your offer is on a first come, first serve basis but I ask you this; can you really rush success? At CrunchGear.com, our answer is, “Maybe you can, maybe you can’t. One thing’s for certain, though, CrunchGear locks are the best F-ing locks you’ve ever tried to crack, bypass, or otherwise compromise.” It’s on all our company letterhead.

In case you choose to go with one of our competitors, I might advise you to consider “Better Than CrunchGear Biometric Lockworks” as their biometric locks are, in fact, marginally better than the locks we make here. Thank you and good day.

RE: credit repair

Good Day,

I was just looking at your site, and I have a number of people within our network looking for credit repair online. I do not work as a lead broker or a referral agency. I’m simply looking to direct my clients to one company’s site that can offer a legitimate service to help my clients.

Your site looks like it’ll make a strong fit for my people. I am looking to work with a company as soon as possible, so please have the owner contact me at his or her earliest convenience.

Thanks in advance,

Angelo Torres

CG RESPONDS:

Absolutely a good day to you, Angelo. We unfortunately received a similar, yet dumber e-mail from Tim Hunter just before we opened your e-mail and it seems that he has an equally large and strong network of people who are looking for something. While his network is looking for biometric locks, yours is looking for credit repair. Fortunately for both of you, we here at CrunchGear provide excellent biometric locks and even more excellent credit repair services.

Be that as it may, we’re going to have to ask that you wait until we get a response from Tim Hunter. Should Mr. Hunter choose to go with “Better Than CrunchGear Biometric Lockworks” then we’ll surely rekindle negotiations with you.

Sorry to be so choosey, but we don’t want to bite off more than we can chew. Choosey. Chew. Ha! I didn’t even notice that at first. Please excuse my momentarily unprofessional demeanor. Anyway, what do you want? Oh yeah, credit repair. We’ll get back to you.

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