The Back Burner: Things we didn't post this week

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CrunchGear this Week

A big thank you to everybody for filling our tips at crunchgear dot com inbox with wonderful, unique, and newsworthy items. Here are five that we just couldn’t get to this week.

Easy weight loss

Be thin

http://www.kocheg.com/?hfclavhwzxb

Be thin

CG RESPONDS:

Oh, Emanuel Durham (if that is your real name), let me tell you a story about the Internet. It used to be that an enterprising young man like yourself would spend hours — nay, days! — crafting the perfect e-mail to lure unsuspecting senior citizens and other various neophytes into somehow transferring money to you by whatever means necessary. Fanciful tales, they were! Tales of ousted regimes in The Congo, murdered prime ministers, and family fortunes the likes of which no man had ever dreamt!

But look at you, man. Take some pride in your work! You insult everyone’s intelligence with such a lackluster e-mail that clearly took you far less than even an hour to put together and then you wonder why nobody’s buying anything? Step it up a notch!

Here, I’ll help you.

Your basic message is that you have some magic pills that’ll make people thinner without requiring that they work too hard, right? You have to appeal to people’s emotions here. Everyone wants to “be thin” but think about WHY we all want to be thin. Try this…

Want the guys to look at Your 12-inch monster because youer thin? And fast Canadien shipping! Gojira was my uncle and he was murded, leaving me 12 millions that I share with you for 30% and a time, God bless You!  

http://www.kocheg.com/?hfclavhwzxb

Be thin

Random capitalization, misspellings galore, and convoluted word trickery — THAT, my good man, is how you write spam.

15 Ways to act Longer in bed!

Women will not tell you what really works, but we do. BLuepill works.
Always. http://mou.wonderright.com

CG RESPONDS:

I dunno. Seems like you’re kinda short-changing women. I don’t know very many of them but I’m fairly certain that the ones I’ve met know what the “blue pill” does and that it does, in fact, work. Now that we’ve gotten that part out of the way, let’s move on to the bigger issue (bigger — pardon the pun).

The subject of your e-mail clearly implies that by clicking the link contained within the message itself, I’d be privy to fifteen (15) Ways in which I’d be able to act Longer in bed. Instead, I was treated to a very, very slow-loading pharmacy web site with a Canadian logo and prices in British pounds. Seems like you’re kind of all over the place there. What gives?

[News] Golf Ball direct from Factory

Dear Sir,
My name is Wichai Khurewattanakul. I am Chief Executive Officer of Toppoint Corp. – one of the largest GOLF BALLS manufacturer in the world, which located at Rayong, Thailand.

I would like to present our 10 years of our world class experience to you with well-trained staffs, who are able to offers you the highest technology of full line golf ball production. Exp. 2 piece / 3 piece / tour ball / range ball / OEM / logo ball etc. with quality and customer care.

You can learn more about us by simply click to “http://www.toppointgolf*2Ecom/” and find out more how to access the best golf ball business with the best golf ball performance. I am really trust that Toppoint Corp. can be your best choice whenever you need us.

Looking forward to the opportunity to serve you soonest, and really hope to present our work upon receive your contact.

Best Regards,
Wichai Khurewattanakul/ CEO
Email : wichai@ToppointGolf.com
Web site : ToppointGolf.com

CG RESPONDS:

Call me crazy, but normally when I see the word “News” in brackets like that, I assume there’s going to some sort of news-like item contained within the message. I don’t know how things work in Thailand but over here in America, a company that manufactures golf balls isn’t really considered news.

I really hope you’ll consider that the next time you — wait a second…Wichai Khurewattanakul? You’re not related to Gina Khurewattanakul are you? Man, she was quite a woman — legs from here to Ya Ya. Did she ever tell you about the root beer incident? Oh man, you HAVE to hear that story. It’s outta sight. Wow. Well, it’s great to hear from you, Golf Ball, and I’ll talk to you real soon. Thanks for the e-mail!

Can we meet on Wednesday

Hi Emory;saeuonuhuoze

Emory our specially designed replics look exactly like their highly expensive brand prototypes. Sometimes even the professional aren’t able to tell the difference from the real one!

http://meevys.pikerose.com

“Oyster Perpetual Cosmoguraph” >>>

Price: € 179.-

  • Free shipping worldwide !

  • Perfect quality

  • Secure payment

  • You won’t see any difference

  • CG RESPONDS:

    You got me; hook, line, and sinker. Here’s how.

    First, the subject of your e-mail. I thought someone wanted to meet with me on Wednesday! Boy, is my face red.

    Second, how in the world could you have known that only my very close friends and family call me Emory? I mean, I read this e-mail all the way to the end before I realized it was one of those spams I’ve been hearing about.

    I was like, “who the heck is this message from?” I called most of my close friends and family to see which one of them sent it without signing the bottom (I didn’t want to stand anybody up on Wednesday, after all) but they all said it must have been a spam because nobody knows anyone named Meevys, Pikerose, or Oyster. You got me!

    URGENT Opportunity – Please read MyDomainIdea.com elevators pitch – This has been sent to over 1400 contacts  –  Don’t miss out!

    Good Morning,

    I would like to introduce myself to you today. My name is Adam Willhoeft. I have approached you today to offer you a unique and rare opportunity. I have been quietly developing a site called MyDomainIdea.com. We at My Domain Idea are looking for serious investors, businesses, and developers to make this into a fully operational site. This site is a 100% fully working full-scale prototype. The prototype site shows off the services we would be providing to the users. Our prototype site was built to give you the idea how the site would operate and run. We are seeking to partner with investors and businesses within the industry. Internet Registrars, Domain Parking Services, Advertising Networks or some big company like Google, Microsoft, Demand Media or any other domaining business are the types of businesses we would be interested in working with. Please contact us regarding your interest in owning a piece of My Domain Idea.

    Our Elevator Pitch

    Our Vision at My Domain Idea is to become the industries leading social service for domain names. Our service with domain names will be the 21st century real estate platform for domain name owners, investors, businesses, and developers. Our goals at My Domain Idea are simple; partner up businesses, investors, and developers with the owners of their domain names and become the 1st choice for domain name management. My Domain Idea will provide profitable ways for domain name owners to fully monetize their domain names. Change is coming with My Domain Idea.

    Currently, the domaining industry is at an estimated $2 Billion as people buy and sell domain names similar to stocks and property. Market researchers believe that the industry’s market will reach more than $4 Billion by 2010 as people and businesses continue to purchase about 90,000 domain names every day.

    A quote from Richard Rosenblatt CEO of Demand Media on the business of Domaining:

    “I thought, it can’t be that easy. So I talked to some domainers, and they said, ‘We own 300,000 domains, we make $20 million a year, we have just four employees and some servers in the Caymans.’ I thought, ‘If yo
    u can make that much doing nothing, what if we added some Web 2.0 sprinkle so that people would come back – user publishing tools, social networking? What if we built a platform where we could snap that into as many domains as we wanted?’ That’s when the lightning bolt hit me: You’d have a company that generates its own traffic, generates its own content, and monetizes itself. It would be the perfect lazy-man’s media company!”

    My Domain Idea will offer many industry leading services to its users. We will provide the first social network for domain names exclusively. The domain name owners will be able to create a profile for their domain names, listing all their ideas and their market research associated with their domain name. We will fill the need for a way to truly organize and consolidate access to one’s domain portfolio. We will offer users the ability to manage all of their domains, wherever they are registered or parked. My Domain Idea will become the global marketplace for buying and selling domain names. We will provide domain registrations. My Domain Idea will offer a domain parking service for all domain name owners that own domain names needing to be parked. The user may decide to park their domain at the parking service provided by My Domain Idea, while waiting for business to happen. My Domain Idea would like to create the first advertising network catering to the entire domain parking industry. My Domain Idea will also be able to host live and online auctions for domain names. My Domain Idea will offer its users all the tools needed to buy and sell domains among a community of users stretching around the world, including domain appraisals, brokerage services, and a domain parking program. Utilizing the aforementioned services and many more secret ideas that we have, My Domain Idea will storm the domain name industry and become the industry’s leading service for domain names.

    Companies are continuing to shift their advertising dollars to the Internet, as online ad spending grew nearly 28 percent to $7.3 billion in the fourth quarter of 2007, according to research firm International Data Corp. This caps off a year of ramped up spending for companies, with spending in 2007 up 27 percent to $25.5 billion.

    The surge reported in online advertising is also a contributing factor to the increasing number of registered web addresses. World-wide, the total number of registered domains was at 85.6 million in the third quarter this year, up from 66.3 million in the year-earlier period, according to VeriSign Inc., the company that manages the registry of domain names ending in .com and .net. It is also estimated that about 10% of all .com and .net domains were registered and created to host pay-per-click advertising.

    With all the knowledge and experience we have with the domain name industry including all the market research we have conducted with domain names; domain name management, domain name parking, domain name registration, domain name hosting, domain name investing, internet registrars, search engine marketing, search engine optimization, pay per click advertising, online advertising, social networks, web development, IPv6, and Web 2.0. We at My Domain Idea can not see a better timing for the launch of our site to take off and become an industry leader in this billion dollar domain name market.

    I would also like to mention that this package has been sent out to as many investors, businesses and developers that would see this as an opportunity. The domaining industry is an ever growing industry and will continue to grow for massive gains for years to come.

    I look forward to hearing from you about this startup opportunity that I have presented to you. I hope you take deep consideration about this startup idea. Change is about to happen.

    I would like to thank you for your time and I hope you have yourself a great day,

    Adam Willhoeft

    My Domain Idea CEO

    Cell: [redacted]

    Email: [redacted]

    CG RESPONDS:

    THAT was your elevator pitch?! What in the hell kind of elevators have you been riding?

    I have no idea what you’re selling because my eyes started to roll back in my head within the first couple of sentences but buddy, I’ll buy whatever it is if you can get that entire pitch out inside ANY elevator in the entire world.

    And that includes the elevator that they’re trying to build from here to the moon or the International Space Station or whatever that elevator is that they’re working on.

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