Mahalo founder and serial entrepreneur Jason Calacanis has some interesting tips up today about how to squeeze every single last thing from your startup employees.

Helpful advice includes (our interpretation):

• If you do meetings, have them over lunch, because you shouldn’t let your employees eat alone
• Don’t provide people with phones, they can always use their own cellphones, and this saves money
• Buy a decent espresso machine and provide food in the office, because you don’t want your staff to ever stop working, this way you keep them in the office every minute of every day
• Buy people who work hard a computer for home, so they can work after hours, on weekends and public holidays
• Urinary catheters are cheap, hook each employee up to one so they don’t waste minutes going to the restroom

OK, so I made the last point up. Here’s my favorite one though (direct quote):

• “Fire people who are not workaholics…. come on folks, this is startup life, it’s not a game. go work at the post office or stabucks if you want balance in your life. For realz.”

Apparently having a life isn’t “for realz” in Calacanis’ playbook so a note to possible Mahalo employees: expect to check your family at the door if you want to go work for JCal. Up to 18 hours a day for $30-35,000 (what I’ve heard is the going rate for base Mahalo employees) , you’re never allowed to go outside during this time or have a proper break…. sounds like a great place to work.

Update: via Stilgherrian, 37 Signals responds to Jason’s post by suggesting you should fire the workaholics.

Update 2: Allen Stern at Centernetworks makes some strong points about the need for personal space and breathing time here.