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The Back Burner: Things we didn't post this week

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A big thank you to everybody for filling our tips at crunchgear dot com inbox with wonderful, unique, and newsworthy items. Here are five that we just couldn’t get to this week.

special order

HELLO
I am Phillip Markman from florida and i will like to know if you carry in stock Cafeteria Tables for sale? if yes please do email me back with the price range and the types you have in stock and also i will like to know if you do accept credit card as your payment method.

Thank you and hope to hear from you soon

CG RESPONDS:

Credit cards? You serious, Phillip Markman? Here’s some free advice about the cut throat world of the cafeteria table game: no dough, no show. Credit is for weaklings. If I showed up at the Saturday cafeteria table dealers market with a credit card, it’d be snapped in half and used to slit my throat, capiche? Don’t mess, man. The phrase “go big or go home” originated at the Pasadena Caf-Tab Conference back in ’82. This is for real, boyo.

Att: General Manager

Good morning,

We would like to know if there is a possible opportunity to quote your company the next time in need of Promotional items ( Pens, Giveaways, T-Shirts, Apparels, ect ) We are located in Florida and offer over 600,000 products that we can add your company logo to.

Sincerely,

Gloria
Account Executive
Guatemala

CG RESPONDS:

Hello there Gloria. That’d be great! Maybe you could send us a sample T-shirt with the CrunchGear logo on it that says, “I work for CrunchGear and I sent a bunch of money to a promotional items company that told me it was based out of Florida except ‘Florida’ actually meant ‘Guatemala’ and now I can’t get any of my money back because all the phone numbers have like seventeen digits and nobody speaks English in the non-existent customer service department of the company that isn’t real.”

If you can fit that on a t-shirt so that it’s legible enough to be read by someone standing on the sidewalk while I ride by on my sweet dirtbike, then you’ve got yourself a deal.

Still feel down or tired

I hope this makes your day a little brighter.

I wish you to know that you are very important to me, and that is why I wish you to possess this special little present for yourself.

We don’t always get to have those things that mean so much to us.

It is time that you had something that I know you like so much.

This site offers checking to you, so you can keep an eye on your shipment progress.

I look forward to you wearing it with great pleasure.

http://www.only-medications.com/gm/

Dominique Toborg

CG RESPONDS:

Wow, thanks Dominique. I definitely WAS feeling down or tired until I got your e-mail. What a warm person you are. You made my day a lot brighter, not just a little brighter. You’re important to me too. It’s not every day that someone brings the light of an internet pharmacy into your life, especially when that internet pharmacy features order tracking.

What a wonderful and uplifting sentiment for you to send this over. Thanks again.

HELLO,

HELLO,
MY NAME IS AGNES IN SEARCH OF A MAN WHO UNDERSTANDS THE MEANING OF LOVE AS TRUST AND FAITH IN EACH OTHER RATHER THAN ONE WHO SEES LOVE AS THE ONLY WAY OF FUN BUT A MATURED MAN WITH NICE VISSION OF WHAT THE WORLD IS ALL ABOUT SO PLEASE REPLY  ME WITH THIS BOX IF YOU
ARE INTRESTED IN ME.(onlyagnes@yahoo.co.in ).

CG RESPONDS:

HELLO, OH MY GOD AGNES I’VE SEARCHED MY WHOLE LIFE FOR SOMEONE LIKE YOU WHO LIKE ME HAS AN UNDERSTANDING AND UNDYING PASSION FOR THE LONG LOST ART OF THE HORRENDOUSLY LONG RUN-ON SENTENCE IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS I THINK YOU’LL FIND ME TO BE MATURED LIKE YOU SAID ALTHOUGH MAYBE NOT WITH A MATURE NAME LIKE AGNES BUT DOUG IS KIND OF AN OLDER SOUNDING NAME I ALWAYS FELT THAT IT DIDN’T REALLY FIT ME AS A KID AND WORRIED THAT I’D BE EXPECTED TO GO BY DOUGLAS WHEN I GOT OLDER BUT NOW THAT I’M MATURED I DECIDED THAT I AM WHO I AM AND WHO I AM IS DOUG NOT DOUGLAS I DON’T HAVE TO CHANGE MY NAME TO FIT ANYONE BUT MYSELF E-MAIL ME BACK AT DOUG AT CRUNCHGEAR DOT COM IF YOU WANT TO MEET FOR A HOT TODDY BUT DON’T TELL MY WIFE OKAY.

The person was a good dancer

Every night will be a hot steamy night once you have your 10inch sch10ng! Satisfy your girl in bed, make sure your tool is like a power drill!

Kendrick Bond

CG RESPONDS:

Like a power drill? Have you ever…you know…before? That would NOT be pleasant for the girl, what with you constantly spinning around and around like that.

You’d probably get sick, too. A 10inch sch10ng, sure, we can all get on board with that but you really lost me with the power drill thing. Just seems like a lot of spinning, is all.

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