The Back Burner: Things we didn't post this week

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stickK Allows You To Put A Contract On Yourself

A big thank you to everybody for filling our tips at crunchgear dot com inbox with wonderful, unique, and newsworthy items. Here are five that we just couldn’t get to this week.

Your Favorite Horse!!

Have you been looking for products of a horse? Well, we have Galupy, the galloping Horse; just click the link to see all of his products.

http://diddlandfriends.com/store/category/a7az/Galupy_the_Horse.html

Galupy the Horse images are on stationery, note pads, post it pads, tins, clocks, pens and more. The Plush Galupy is just adorable and super soft. Galupy is available as key ring, and in sizes from 4 to 18 inches.

CG RESPONDS:

Sorry lady, but whoever who told you that Galupy was my favorite horse looked you straight in the eye and lied right through his or her smelly mouth. I’ve never even heard of Galupy! Level with me; whoever was in charge of coming up with a name for this horse mascot really mailed it in, am I right?

Now we can either get to the bottom of this or we can sweep this under the rug and you can try to get us to plug your non-gadgety knickknacks on our site. It’d be a nice gesture for you to get to the bottom of all the “favorite horse” business because, to be honest with you, I’m not going to be able to focus on anything else until this gets cleared up.

Penis Products Reviewed

Gain 3.5+ Inches In Length…. 100% Safe To Take, With NO Side Effects.

http://mittenstenser.com/

CG RESPONDS:

Sir, for shame. Here I was thinking I was going to click through to some well-written penis product reviews and all I get is blatant commercialism with a few dick pics thrown in for shock value. WHERE ARE THE REVIEWS, SIR? Testimonials don’t count. For shame, sir.

Hello my dear friend

Dear Sir/Madam,

I apologize using this medium to reach you for a transaction/business of this magnitude, but this is due to confidentiality and prompt access reposed on this medium.

I know the world we live in and it takes a lot to be able to know which proposal is reality but l am hoping that you will be convinced about the reality of my proposal as we proceed further.  My  name is Omar Abdul-Azeez Mustafa, l am british born Malaysian, l  have a friend from Brunei Republic who has intrest in investment in Europe, Japan or in your country if he gets convinced by me about the areas of business to put money into. If l can count on your ability and tranparent honesty in business, then we will talk about it.

Note,  this transaction is 100% riskfree and all information regarding the .
I hope to read from you soonest.

Regards
Omar Azeez Mustafa

CG RESPONDS:

Hi Omar. You know what? We get a lot of e-mails like this — probably at least two or three each day promising easy money for some sort of vague, simple task and most of the time I just delete them or (even worse, LOL!!!) mark them as spam. Your message, however, seems too heartfelt and genuine to be anything but reality. I’m interested to hear what comes after “all information regarding the” in the second to last sentence. You really left me hanging (JK, all the way ROFL!!!) ! I won’t leave you hanging, though. I know the world we live in, too.

waiting to hear from you soon.

Dear Friend,
It has been  long we communicated last, am so sorry for thedelay, I mean your cheque of ($800.000.00) that my boss asked me to mail to you as soon as you request for, but due to some minor issue you fails to respond at the aproprate time, and  presently the cheque is with me here in BENIN REPUBLIC.

Though I had a new contact from a friend of mine who works with one of the global basic delivery Company  here in BENIN REPUBLIC that will deliver your cheque at your door step with a cheeper rate, which the company said that it will cost you the sum of ($95) us dollars, so you have to register with them now.

Below is thier email address:
(globalbasic_co0a@yahoo.fr) and the Directors name is Dr.Frank peter.

Please do get back to me as soon as you have contacted the global basic Company in my Email(dom_don02@yahoo.fr) so I can be able to submit your cheque to them for immidiate delivery of your cheque .
Thank you.

Mr Donatus.

CG RESPONDS:

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Excuse me?! I could have sworn that you just said you never mailed out my $800,000.00 check and now you want ME to pay $95 to get it sent here from Benin? That’s preposterous. What kind of operation are you running here? You’re cordially invited to go straight to hell, plus one guest. Might I suggest you bring Dr. Frank Peter.

I’m sure you and the good doctor have enough money that $800,000.00 doesn’t mean much to you, but to working people in the United States of America, $800,000.00 is a small-to-medium amount of rainy day money. And guess what, jerk? It’s raining here today. But can I go out and buy a BMW? No! Thanks for nothing, assbutt.

Attn: Lucky Winner,

Attn: Lucky Winner,

We are pleased to inform you and congratulate you as you have been selected as one of our Twenty (20) Star Prize Winners in this years 2008 Chevron Award Programme held  on  2008.You have been approved to claim a sum $700,000.00 and a Brand new BMW 530 iM Sport Saloon Car.For verification and approval of your winning  prize,you are to Contact:

Mr Alex Grecec.
Email: fedexdeliverycourierservice@hotmail.com
Tel:+23456576486

Provide him with the following information to claim yourprize.Full Name: Address: Phone Number: Country of residence:Sex: Age: Occupation: Your: Ticket Number:5647600545188, Serial number:BMWP 556543450906:

Congratulations On behalf of all members of the OIL Lottery Commission Board.

Engr. Inner Raim,
Promotion Announcer.
OIL  Lottery Commission

CG RESPONDS:

Well, look who’s ship has come in. See that Donatus? Eat birdshit, man. I don’t need your $800,000.00 minus a $95 arbitrary service fee to fund your incompetence. Go fly a kite with a hole in it and bring Dr. Frankenpeter with you.

Thank you VERY much Engr. Inner Raim (what a lovely name!!!). You have no idea how much this means to me after what I’ve had to go through with the jerks in the e-mail above yours. What luck that you’re giving me a BMW 530iM Sport Saloon Car! As it happens, I’d had the very same car on hold but “someone” (nudge, nudge) didn’t “send me” (wink, wink) the $800,000.00 check I’d been waiting for because they “didn’t hear back from me” (punch, punch, face, face).

I’ll contact your delivery person (I didn’t know that Fedex had switched to Hotmail — nice work, Microsoft!!!) and get everything set up. Thanks again (not you, Donatus).

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