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The Back Burner: Things we didn't post this week

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It's time for The Crunchies

A big thank you to everybody for filling our tips at crunchgear dot com inbox with wonderful, unique, and newsworthy items. Here are five that we just couldn’t get to this week.

I LOVE LIFE

Hi,
I am Sally 19yrs old from Freetown and i live in Senegal,i deceided having you as a friend knowing that it is an act of expressing one’s self and feeling,i feel that before we can have a good relationship we must put in effort and time to me friends are like flowers in the garden of life and my desire is to have sensitive and warm friend.
yours Sincerily
Sally Silver.

CG RESPONDS:

Hi Sally. I’m 28 years old from Minneapolis and I live in Boston. Thanks for deciding to have me as a friend. I agree that it’s an act of expressing all that crap too. Unfortunately, I’m kind of thin in the time and effort department for the foreseeable future so maybe you’d have an easier time working on finding sensitive and warm friends in a garden of life closer to your town. Please advise.

REQUEST FROM THE HOUSE OF GOD

THE ENVAGELICALS CHURCH

REQUEST FOR THE DONATION

I Greet you in the name of the lord Jesus Christ our savior. The above mission hereby asking you donation. The mission has been Libya here in Tripoli for two (2) years now. Spreading the good news and preaching the gospel to the socialist Arabs Libyan. However we have succeeded to have a membership of one hundred and fifty, (150) among these members eighty (35) are Arabs Libyan. Meanwhile the government of the socialist Arabs Libby has provide us one (1)Acre of land to build a church. our first church have been in ivory coast west Africa country, In this vain the mission the evangelicals church is sending you this letter of donation, we will be grateful to any decision you may wish to carryout.

Thanks in advance

Pastor j.k victor burger

Secretary general.

CG RESPONDS:

Hail, Secretary General J.K. Victor Burger! I greet you in the name of quad-core processors and on-die cache memory. My decision that I may wish to carry out is as follows…

The acre of land shall indeed be used to build a church. Behind this chuch shall be a medium-sized garage with the following coin-operated video games: Ms. Pac Man, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles — The Arcade Game, the Star Wars pinball machine that makes the noises from the movies, and of course, a Play Choice 10 machine. The members of the church will vote on installing two (2) more games of their choosing.

All members of the congregation shall be permitted to play these games at any time, day or night, during worship services or outside worship services. That is all.

New Year’s Resolution Diet Cookies…

We bake regular and diabetic cookies. Help stop the diabetic and obesity epidemic in our children and adults.

Please visit our website at http://www.healthbarproducts.com and tell a friend or loved one about our commitment to a healthier way of life.

CG RESPONDS:

You saying I’m fat? How’d you know I was diabetic? Furthermore, how’d you know I like cookies so much? Was it Peter Ha? Did Peter Ha tell you that ??! Answer me!

Also, please send one of each of your cookies for review. Better make it two, actually.

THX Permissions request

Hello,

Hope you are well. We would like to use a quote for some THX marketing collateral to be distributed at GDC 08. Please find the quote, author and date below:

“Its downward firing design allows the Mako to fill up an entire room with rich sounds and deep bass.”

Author: Peter Ha

CrunchGear, October 29, 2007

Can you help me with obtaining permission to use this quote?

Thank you for your time.

Best regards,

Sean

CG RESPONDS:

Hey Sean, I’ll do you one better. How’d you like to have Peter Ha, himself? Did you see what he did to me with the diabetic cookie thing? I know! Unbelievable, right? Sheesh.

MAXXPHONE – the new desktop cell phone for your customers

** The great cell phone for a seniors **

MAXXPHONE1L

MAXXPHONE offers convenience of using a GSM networks like
a standard cellular phone, but you will get comfort of a desktop
phone.

MAXXPHONE  could be very attractive for your senior customers

CG RESPONDS:

Holy shit! You’ve done it! The low-cost, dependable, easy-to-use, unlimited calling time of a landline phone can finally be replaced by the high per-minute cost and spotty voice quality of a gigantic plastic cell phone. And it sits on your desk, just like a real phone! Grandma and Grandpa were scared to death of cell phones but they’ll surely want to replace their regular-phone-on-a-desk with this cell-phone-on-a-desk version.

We’ve finally come full circle!

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