Amazon Kindle's FAQ, according to some guy

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Retailer gets punk'd

faq.jpgI still haven’t used Ask Kindle NowNow for many reasons. Truth be told, I forgot it even existed. After reading this tiny FAQ I’ve been asking myself why I didn’t think to do this with my Kindle. D’oh.

Frequently Asked Questions About the new Amazon Kindle

Can the Kindle find me a girlfriend?

Well, if you take the Kindle with you in public and an attractive woman notices it, that might be a good way to strike up a conversation. So… maybe!

I have a sink full of dirty dishes and I don’t feel like doing them. Can the Kindle help?

The Kindle store contains almost 90,000 books, as well as a selection of newspapers, magazines, and other reading material, all available for wireless download almost instantly. We can’t guarantee you’ll find something there to help you with your problem, but it’s not entirely outside the realm of possibility.

The Kindle looks like something that fell off the Battlestar Galactica. The original Battlestar Galactica. What’s up with that?

We believe that once you’re immersed in the reading experience, the device itself should be secondary. Its design is supposed to be as unobtrusive as possible while reading.

Yeah, but there’s no shiny chrome or pretty lights or anything. Look at this, it’s not even in color!

The Kindle uses a new technology called E Ink that mimics real paper. We think that once you see the difference between the Kindle’s screen and the screens on most other electronic devices, you’ll agree that it provides a much better reading experience.

But it can’t even play Half-Life?

No. Then again, neither can a book.

But–

Come on, man.

73h DRM 0n 7h1$ 7h1n9 1$ 73h $uxx0rz!!! Y???

Huh?

Reading is a fundamentally tactile experience, in which the velvety touch of the paper, the sublime scent of the binding glue, the crisp sound of the turning pages, and each mortality-reminding paper cut play as much or even more of a part than the words on the page. Why can’t I just read a regular book?

You can read a regular book.

My mother was recently diagnosed with brain cancer. Will the Kindle cure her cancer?

We’re sorry to hear about your mother and wish her the best, but the Kindle is a device for downloading and reading electronic text. It’s a very good one, we believe, but that’s all it is.

Why doesn’t Jeff Bezos care about my mother’s brain cancer?

Jeff Bezos is a nice man. If you have any questions about the Kindle, we’d be glad to answer them as best as we can.

You guys are touting this piece of crap like it’s the greatest thing ever invented, but it can’t even handle a little brain cancer. Why don’t you take your Kindle and shove it up your ass?

The Kindle is very rugged, but we have to admit, that’s one durability test we haven’t tried.

Well, why don’t you try it, you fucking cancer-loving assholes?

Thanks for your questions, and have a great day!

Oh, that’s it, run away.

Frequently Asked Questions About the new Amazon Kindle [Mother, May I Sleep with Treacher?]

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