Sometimes when you see something, you immediately wish you could un-see it. That is where I stand with the Vibram Fivefingers sports sandals. These “shoes” are like ruggedized toe socks, with individual toes. There is no excuse for this, and by god the first person I see wearing these gets a punch to the head.
Really, I’ll suffer having to see your toes as you wear flip-flops on even the rainiest of days. I’ll even abide the recurring trend that is Ugg boots. But this is taking footwear evolution too far. You should not want the bottoms of your feet to resemble those of burn patients, which is what happens here.
I can’t find words to describe how wrong these are. This is even worse than those glue-on flip-flops. This is worse than Hitler. This is worse than a sober Lohan. This is worse than Windows Mobile. If you even think about buying these for a moment, I will strike down your kids with the Ass-Cancer of Thor. Do you hear me?