The Onion reports today (yeah, the Onion ) that Google will soon be launching “Google Purge”. Google Purge will, apparently, be an effort to destroy all information that Google is otherwise unable to index. I’m a big fan of the Onion, and they really nailed it this time.
From the article:
The new project, dubbed Google Purge, will join such popular services as Google Images, Google News, and Google Maps, which catalogs the entire surface of the Earth using high-resolution satellites.
As a part of Purge’s first phase, executives will destroy all copyrighted materials that cannot be searched by Google.
“Book burning is just the beginning,” said Google co-founder Larry Page. “This fall, we’ll unveil Google Sound, which will record and index all the noise on Earth. Is your baby sleeping soundly? Does your high-school sweetheart still talk about you? Google will have the answers.”
Page added: “And thanks to Google Purge, anything our global microphone network can’t pick up will be silenced by noise-cancellation machines in low-Earth orbit.”
As a part of Phase One operations, Google executives will permanently erase the hard drive of any computer that is not already indexed by the Google Desktop Search.
“We believe that Google Desktop Search is the best way to unlock the information hidden on your hard drive,” Schmidt said. “If you haven’t given it a try, now’s the time. In one week, the deleting begins.”
And the best for last:
The company’s new directive may explain its…buildup of a vast army of laser-equipped robots.